Beyond Skin Deep

So I had an extraordinary experience in a very ordinary place, yesterday: the grocery store. I have to preface this by saying that I have very pale, white skin, blue eyes, and long, curly brown hair. I'm mostly English, Scottish and Irish, with a strong dose of Navajo and a little Cherokee heritage thrown in from some great-grandparents. But when someone normally looks at me, the first thing that is generally noticed is "white girl" or "white woman."

Yesterday, someone looked deeper upon first glance and it sincerely awed me. A man whose ethnicity I was unsure of whether he was Native American or Asian walked up to me and asked me what my heritage was. I started to say the part about being Irish, English, etc... and he stopped me and said, no, that he meant what tribe was I from. When I said Navajo, he gave me the most welcoming smile and said that he, himself was Cherokee. I told him that I, too, had some Cherokee heritage, he smiled even wider. It was such an amazing experience to me. Afterward, he simply nodded and said that he thought so and wished me a very good day and went on his way.

While I have always been proud of my Native American heritage, I have never really felt included in that sense of tribe as I did yesterday in the bread aisle. This man could see that there was more to me than the color of my skin, and simply welcomed me as a part of his extended family. So while according to all the legal formalities, I am considered a white woman, that is only a part of who I am. I'm grateful to have been given this eye-opening experience.

I've always wanted to learn more about my Native American heritage, but I've never really known how to go about it and was a bit worried that I would be judged by how I look instead of what's inside me. And that may yet happen as I continue this journey of self-discovery. But if it does, I will always know that there is someone out there who accepts me as I am as a member of his tribe, and that simple smile and nod of acceptance will be with me to the end of my days.

What does the word "diversity" mean to you?

Sometimes the same word can mean different things to different people. I think diversity is one of those words. Some think of it as something we have to do for the sake of political correctness, other's are so passionate about the idea of it, they have made it their full time jobs. [For the sake of transparency, I have to share that I'm actually considering trying to make it a full-time job.] There are websites and discussions devoted to diversity, and there are lots of consultants who help companies develop their own diversity goals/programs/initiatives. Some think it's the latest flavor of the month in the business community; while others believe it is the key ingredient for success, especially in the economic downturn.

When I first heard the word diversity, it was actual from the original Star Trek TV series. IDIC stood for "Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations" and so my first thought was appreciation for things different from me. Then we started doing diversity training at work and I learned all about bias (whether on purpose or subconcious), group identities, that some groups have more power than others, and all sorts of specialized diversity vocabulary to understand the dynamics of power in the corporate environment.

I was skeptical at first, but in the midst of it, I realized that from my perspective, here was a huge company doing the right thing and trying to make sure that all its employees were valued and appreciated. It didn't always get it right, but the leaders were truly trying to make a difference. So I did a lot of learning about diversity because I thought that would be one of the greatest things in the world, to help everyone be understood and valued for their contributions and the content of their character instead of some group they happened to be a part of.

And during my learning, I figured out how to listen without judging first. I learned to talk about things that used to be very uncomfortable for me. I think this work is about respecting people first... that you have to truly listen to someone and speak from your own point of view so that both of you can learn to understand each other. Yes, it's also about learning how to avoid bias and oppression. But I think political correctness takes it too far. That's why some of my favorite shows (Mind of Mencia, Southpark, etc) are horribly politically incorrect... but they do so to everyone. There is no target that is not off their radar. In fact, in one of Carlos Mencia's specials, he discussed a show he did for a disabled audience. And he started doing all of his jokes except for the "deet ta dee" ones. He tells how he got called out by an audience member about not telling the jokes, so he started doing them a little here, then more and then the full repertoire. The audience was laughing so hard at the end. During that show, he had an ah hah moment: If he couldn't tell those jokes in front of that audience, he would have had no business telling them at all.

Doctors have said that laughter is the best medicine. I think we should learn to laugh more at ourselves. For me, diversity is about trying to understand other people, to work better with them at home, community and/or work, but I think it's also about learning to laugh together.

So that's what diversity means to me. How about you?