This one's for you, Mom! Poetry from my college days...

a box of strawberries

her unruly brown halo
bounces in the wind as she bustles
the groceries into the house.
limbs tired from exertion, she sinks
into a chair and asks me to bring...

the box--a wondrous vessel!

full of speckled plump strawberries
she dips them in fluffy white powder,
juice drips from the corner
of her munching mouth.

i sit gazing at her... she offers me one
i quickly take a bite and swipe
the sweet sticky liquid from my chine.
for a moment,
tasting the aroma of love,
berry sweet and pure as powdered sugar.

sighing...

the strawberries have disappeared.
energy renewed, having had a respite,
she again takes up her rags
and her Pledge,
trudges almost hesitantly to the dining room
and circles the dust from the table.

--Tammy Payne, Spring '93

dedicated to my Mom

Cycles within cycles

So I'm at a point of endings and new beginnings. There are cycles of change that are definitely in the air. I have a few strings from the past that have been dangling for years and they're getting built back into the weave of my life. There are so many people I'm back in touch with after a long hiatus. With some, it's like we were never apart, with others, we may not still have that same kind of comradery, but it's still good to have them in my life again. And there are new people that have come into my life recently that are also becoming precious and special.

I spoke earlier of appreciating those special ordinary moments. While your job is a part of who you are, it can't be all of who you are. Sometimes you get lost in the process of providing for your family and then you're not able to be there for the people you'd like to be, whether it's good times or bad. In my personal hunt for a new way to help provide for my family, I'm not going to let this valuable lesson leave my mind.

Late night musings

My brain is a whirlwind of ideas. It's a good thing I've got some time to figure out which direction(s) to go in from a professional perspective. I've got a few different passions in addition to some unique ideas that I'm interested in trying. I'm finding that I'm so excited about all the different opportunities, it's hard to focus on any one at a time.

And I've also discovered that it is hard for me to relax and take a vacation with my brain constantly whirling. Don't get me wrong, I have gotten some quiet time, and I feel much less stressed now than I did in June... But I have discovered that it is in my nature to always be planning or thinking about what comes next. I have to balance that habit with also living in the moment and not taking those moments for granted. It's amazing how wonderful things can happen in the most ordinary of situations... like the way my husband looked at me this morning, just one glance and I know I am loved to the moon and beyond.

Or take the grocery store today...

My daughter and I are at the cash register and the cashier looks at me funny when I say she's my daughter. Then I explain she's actually my stepdaughter but while we're not biologically related, our hearts are. The cashier gives us an incredulous look because she thought we really were related. We actually get that fairly often. A lot of times people mistake us for sisters... which does my ego quite a bit of good to be able to pull that one off. Hopefully, one day in the far future, I'll look like an aunt instead of a grandma. = )

It amazes me that I have so much in common with my girls, but in different ways with each daughter. It sometimes feels like they each have a part of my personality, but it's been that way since the first day I met them when they were 3 and 8. My youngest daughter calls herself an animal freak... that's one of my favorite parts that I share with her... that and her moral compass. With my oldest, I think the best way to describe it is her thoughtful compassion. It fills me with pride every time she handles odd or hectic situations in such an adult and responsible manner.

I am proud that I'm helping to raise such amazing young women, and I'm so very grateful to their mother for sharing them with me.

So where am I going with this... Don't get into the habit of taking your loved ones for granted. Appreciate them, be with them, and pay attention to those ordinary but special moments.

Have a beautiful day!